UNION JACK AT TERRORIST ATTACK

A terrorist plot to infect a crowd of five thousand people at a firework display was foiled yesterday by the new Union Jack at the heart of the Olympic Village. A device, designed to deliver a payload of anthrax, had been smuggled into the firework display which was organised to celebrate the complesion of one of the main areas destined to house foreign athletes next year. Union Jack arrived at the venue and fired a counter agent into the middle of the firework burst at the precise moment the device exploded, destroying the anthrax completely in an explosion that made the crowd turn away due to the lights intensity.
At first it seemed the crowd was close to panicking and escaping the venue but officers on the scene managed to turn the tide of fear and keep the crowd controlled, so good a job was done by the uniformed presence that many believed it was a scheduled event and stayed after the firework display to drink and enjoy the other entertainments put on for the crowd.
Following a full investigation by the Chronicle we managed to piece together a timeline of events that showed the Stirling work the new Jack had put into keeping the public safe. At approximately six o clock in the evening many reports came in of a flying motorbike heading across the north London skies cutting straight to the heart of Newham and landing on the College Point tower block in Stratford. At six fifteen phone calls were made to the police complaining of a gunshots and a fight taking place on the top floor of the tower block.
The police were contacted by a representative of Union Jack who informed them that a Pro N.M.A terrorist cell had been taken out in the building by Jack and that they were all waiting to be collected by the police. On arrival the police made five arrests, one a civil engineer called Victor George, the apparent leader of the cell and another a confirmed lieutenant in the N.M.A who was wanted for crimes against the state and had been on the run since the N.M.A was defeated five years ago.
Two further arrests were made in the evening, a man at the event who is thought to have planted the firework and a motorcyclist who made the mistake of attacking Union Jack en-route to the event and was removed from his bike while it was travelling at speed.
All bar one of the arrested men needed minor treatment in Newham hospital for fractures and abbrations.
Boris Johhnson; Major of London, was at the event and though Union Jack slipped away into the crowd without taking any credit he was eager to make sure she got the lions share of praise.
'The boys in blue did a fabulous job of keeping it calm and restoring order to the chaos caused by the end firework. That said we would all be alot worse off if not for the efforts of this fine, reportedly attractive, ethnic hero, grappling the mantle of heroism from the old guard and running at full tilt into the future! Bravery! Patriotism! Damn fine fighting skills! This is what we have come to expect from those that don costume and fight the good fight! Union Jack?! I say every inch of her is just that...and long may she stand tall and we, the people of London will never shy from the responsibility she places in our hands! See a hero, be a hero yourself! We follow where you will take us dear lady of justice!'
Though the police have congratulated Union Jack on her efforts that are quick to point out that if anyone should see anything suspicious or dangerous they should contact the police instead of wading into the fray. 'Its fabulous that we have a super presence in the city but remember that bullets don't bounce off normal people and its very easy to get killed trying to be a hero. Leave the law enforcement to the professionals and we can clean the streets up together.'