MI13 Investigates Hospital Shootings

Thomas Cauldron

Its been a long week for MI13 following the hospital shootings just six days ago that claimed the lives of five MI13 officers and their two charges but yesterday they came out fighting there corner claiming; 'There is no security breach in our organisation.'

'The fact is we have seen the crime figures decrease to a record low in this country, that's due to the hard work of the police, Interpol, the intelligence services and MI13,' spat Thomas Cauldron as he stood outside MI13's main base just outside of London. 'We have had a lot of input into the current state of affairs and this incident doesn't signal there is a huge problem in MI13, in fact it shows we have very few as this is the first real incident outside of our control in the last twelve months.'

MI13 spokesman Thomas Cauldron is not one to let his organisation take criticism lying down but the stance taken suggested there may be strain finally showing on his usually unflappable face.

When first it was reported the incident it seemed MI13 were going to be as secretive as usual about the details of the events until Dr Marcus Maudlin went live on camera and claimed that the agents had gunned each other down and that The Crusaders were on the scene and could verify his version of events. This revelation brought MI13 into full on press assault mode and saw Mr Maudlin hit with a silencing order until they could get their official story sorted.

A day later they came back with this press release.

'On Tuesday night there was an incident in two hospitals involving MI13 un-powered operatives and sadly five MI13 officers were killed. The two security details failed in their mission to protect two persons of interest (one situated in each hospital) and MI13 is now investigating fully into suggestions that it was an internal failure of security with-in both teams that led to the deaths of their charges.

We cannot comment further until our investigation is completed in entirety and the facts have been ascertained.'

Cauldron came out of the pits with real fire yesterday and it was clear he was not in the mood for half measures.

'Our investigation has concluded and we have discovered that an agent in each of the security teams had been 'gotten too' by a criminal organisation that wanted both of the men they were protecting dead, they succeeded,' he fired at the crowd of assembled press and banks of cameras. 'This is an unfortunate event but one we have dealt with now.'

Seeing as the two men are dead and their targets hit it more seems, Mr Cauldron, that THEY have been dealt with and not the criminal organisation, but please, continue.

'We have assigned units to deal with the problem and to liaise with the police so that the right men and women are brought to justice. This is, I would like to point out, not a system wide problem. We have hundreds of operatives and run dozens of operations a month that the press never hears about. Why? Because we are very good at what we do and that is a fact.

On the night in question we were had a unit tracking a team of assassins who had entered London, probably to commit a serious crime. We helped in the containment and restricting of any damage they could do. So you can see we are on top of the situation completely.'

Cauldron may be the press officer for MI13 but there can be no doubt that MI13's 'external' operations unit is almost certainly draining a vast amount of their budget and with their efforts being focused in other places it seems clear there is a greater chance of breaches like these happening more frequently in the future.