MISSION IMPOSSIBLE

Challengers of the Fucking Impossible may be on its last legs already following massive complaints about each and every episode and though more complaints were made about the Genosha episode the level of violence that was shown on Tuesday could be the final nail in the coffin for the Challengers.
The blurred images of the Challengers genitalia were always going to push the censors so when the 'Unholy Trinity' replaced that old and tired convention with triangular stickers that read 'DANGER! TROUSER SNAKE!' for Knoxville, 'DANGER! SWAMP PYTHON!' for Osbourne and 'DANGER! SUPER HOSE!' for the ex super hero Icon.
So as they started their race all looked to only go bad as Knoxville and Osbourne used their headstart to place as many obsticules as they could in front of Ex New Crusader Icon by phoning the police and telling them of their rivals wearabouts and lack of clothing. Icon managed to escape the police net, though even we haven't managed to work out how, trully his agility and guile are beyond the understanding of normal mortals.
As Icon rushed through the streets he made Jackie Chan look like a drunken, one armed Parkinsons sufferer trying to scale an eight foot glass wall.
It was trully the closest thing to a live action 'Wacky Races' ever viewed as Knoxville and Osbourne assumed the Dick Darstidly and Muttley roles brilliantly, producing a fantastic blend of Inneptitude and underhanded scheming. Icon however was by far too fast and 'super' for them and traversed the city like he was possesed by the spirit of Freerunner himself. Each time they got ahead they stopped to fuck over Icon, only giving him timeto catch up and foil their plans.
The finishing line loomed swiftly into view and as Knoxville and Osbourne rounded the corner the looks on their faces simply said it all when Icon stepped out having beaten them easily. With the victory achieved Icon simply had to watch as Knoxville shoved his fellow challenger to the floor and raced across the line leaving Jack Osbourne to take the forfeit, and it was in the forfeit that the real nightmare was revealled.
As per the rules Osbourne consumed a Viagra and then took to the streets in his wheelchair and skin wig!
Jack however would only last five minutes before he was tracked down by an irrate X-Man and ex-New Crusader; The Yob.
Yob started by taking Osbourne ouyt of the chair forcably and then proceeded to give him a gentle going over, this was obviously to bring out the other two who did indeed break cover and attempt to stop Osbourne taking a 'fatal beating.' The Yob then set upon the two entering the fray and after downing Knoxville with one punch he engeged his fellow ex Crusader Icon.
Icon and Yob twisted and writhed around each other, Icon frantically trying to stay away from Yobs blows, Yob desprate to bring the pain! Finally Yob did catch up with Icon and delivered a beatdown on him (though many are arguing that Icon didnt use his formidable blast once in their conflict and so was holding back) that would see him seek medical attention on his return to Britain.
The end result was a nightmare event for the challengers and saw them all take serious assaults that haveseen this coming weeks stunt postponned for at least a week, though it also opens up a wider problem in amongst the old New Crusaders. Who's side is everyone on? Icon's or Yob's? And if Icon goes back for more how many of his ex team mates can he depend on as seconds if he enters conflict with The Yob again?
Verity Luce.